“Something is wrong. I don’t mean with you or me or with any person. I mean in general." --Ragle Gumm

Monday, September 12, 2011

Personal Note Fourteen—The Fever of Cosmic Life

Cousins took me in as a newly separated husband. A normal thing for them but for me family life was a tattered coat that kept me sheltered for thirteen months while I floated in non-human space they knew nothing about. Every morning I wrote feverishly from four to seven. I downloaded a cosmic drama that included everybody but in my case the layers of mental and emotional veils were fraying away and leaving me with a cold cosmic breeze blowing into my life every moment. I got along in my personal world, sounding normal, cooking when my turn came around, trekking in the state park, letting my cousin show me off to lonely women, who for me were sad pieces of cardboard. I watched TV and felt the weight of cosmic energy continually pushing against these protective activities. And the mornings. I separated more from earthplanet, as I began to call it, and became more identified with the higher plane of existence into which I was hoisted and gradually returned from but not without leaving more tears in the already tattered garments that I had been shedding for years. Eternity is ancient beyond ancient, and I was spending more time where real events happened, events out of which universes and cosmoses on end derived their energy. There never was a beginning, nor will there be an end; yet in this dimension of the cosmic string, as I called it, the one cosmic being took note. Now I was in for it. Madness was a distinct possibility, but it was too late. I was in it for the long haul. No turning back because there was nothing there which had not always been part of the big picture. Everything was cosmic.

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