Reading Philip K. Dick’s Exegesis is an adventure undertaken by
readers individually. Even from within the group-think of the collective
fandom, to acknowledge where this came from in Dick’s life is to tack into the
whole of his existential adventure, which is also the adventure of all of us.
Not everybody wants to do that. Never mind. All are welcome to the Dickian
feast. Deciding not to read Exegesis is
an option, but that decision contains within it some of the essence of the
book. Once you know about it, you are in it. Philip K. Dick is a mirror for all
who read him. What we get depends upon the angle where we stand when looking
in.
I have read the first part of Exegesis and am seriously considering
rereading it before going on. What’s the hurry? Waves of water are waves of water no
matter where they are on the ocean. Nevertheless, some waves lift me out of the
water into peaks of appreciation that transcend the relentless rowing this book
asks of us. Which is a lofty way of saying that I read for favorite passages
and surf the rest.
The passage quoted below comes from the
back of the dust jacket. It is one of the passages I note with enthusiasm. In
comments on one of my posts, I said to a reader that when I read Dick’s Exegesis, I sense the myth of Sisyphus
pushing the giant stone up the hill only to have it fall back before reaching
the top . . . endlessly. In this passage, I feel not only that Sisyphus (Dick)
reaches the top of the hill but that the stone transforms into a rocket and
takes off. The specifics of illuminating experiences, such as the one described
here, are not permanent additions to one’s interior landscape. The fact that
they occurred is.
What follows is my take on this passage.
Repeat, my take. Just for fun, friends, just for fun.
One day the contents of my mind moved faster and faster until they
ceased being concepts and became percepts. I did not have concepts about the
world but perceived it without preconceptions or even intellectual
comprehension. It then resembled the world of UBIK. As if all the contents of
one’s mind, if fused, became suddenly alive, a living entity, which took off
within one’s head, on its own, saw in its own superior way, without regard to
what you had ever learned or seen or known. The principle of emergence, as when
nonliving matter becomes living. As if information (thought concepts) when
pushed to their limit became metamorphosed into something alive.
One day the contents of my mind moved faster and faster until they
ceased being concepts and became percepts. No
matter how feverishly one’s thoughts travel through the mind, they just cannot
take the whole thing in. And sometimes the mind wants to do just that. That’s
what is happening here. “I think, therefore, I am” has disappeared in favor of
a radically different existence. His mind flames out and all that’s left is the
experiential field without the delimiting conditions projected upon it by the
mind, and without the mind to tell its story of what’s out there, what is out
there? If anything.
I did not have concepts about the world but perceived it without
preconceptions or even intellectual comprehension. It then resembled the world
of UBIK. Remembrance of things past
“recollected in tranquility,” or as tranquil as it gets with Dick. What
happened in the past is coming to the fore in terms of memory, which, of
course, is based on concepts. Dick is not within the experience as he writes
although writing brings knowledge of it to the forefront. Comparing this sudden
transformation in reality to one of his books deeply personalizes an experience
that by its nature has no personal components. The energy in these two
sentences is the nadir of the paragraph’s verbal power. Dick is writing this
paragraph about an experience that had no Dick within it.
As if all the contents of one’s mind, if fused, became suddenly
alive, a living entity, This sentence (continued below) expresses the radically new
reality in concepts which by definition can never represent it. The infinite
things of self and other are suddenly fused into a singular whole with a life
of its own. Even the percepts have been fused into something that no longer has
parts. There is no precedent in the human existential matrix by which this
experience can be identified. The fact that this “entity”
is alive has implications so staggering that all things humanly conceived or
lived cease to exist.
which took off within one’s head, on its own, saw in its own
superior way, without regard to what you had ever learned or seen or known. The definition of being “alive” can be stated minimally as
something that does something. The “something” of this experience has no
foundation in human reality and must remain absolutely mysterious. And what
that “something” does is also radically impossible to delineate. In what field
does this radically different entity exist? What is the stuff of this entity?
What impulse to action moves it? And where is it going when it “takes
off . . . in its own superior way?"
The principle of emergence, as when nonliving matter becomes
living. In this context, the term “living” can
have no humanly recognizable definition except that “living” exists. This
radical reality exists and lives in a way that cannot be known because there is
nothing known around it that does not live. There is no way to avoid the raw
confrontation with existence as existence. That which has become “whole” is by
the nature of wholeness irreducible, despite the parts of human existence which
have fused together to become this “whole.” Those parts are no longer parts. In
the wholeness nothing human remains. Within the human experience, being alive
has very specific parameters. Some things are alive; some things are not. In
this radically different reality there is no basis for making such a
distinction.
As if information (thought concepts) when pushed to their limit
became metamorphosed into something alive. In
this last sentence, Dick returns to the original statement of extreme
transformation. That which was before no longer exists and the “something” that
remains has cognition of its existence as what it is. This cognition placed
beside the human cognition of itself as human can only have existence itself as
a common ground. That which is something radically new becomes an increment of reality
on the way to something radically unknown.
Conclusions: How does one, who is human
but on the verge of no longer being human, face a challenge so ultimate in its
nature? Human sensibilities suddenly becoming aware that they will be
sacrificed in favor of another kind of existence. What terror can there be
knowing that that which you were is becoming radically something else and that
you are still there to know it? Is that moment itself the new thing?
Of all the descriptions I have read
about Dick’s experiences of early 1974, this passage represents for me the
pinnacle of his transformation. From within the flux of so many mind-based experiences,
however, it is easy to see how this one, so radically different from other
experiences he recorded, can be lost within the popular thinking around his Exegesis. I regret that editors Jackson
and Lethem did not give us a page number by which we could explore the verbal
landscape in which it exists, but perhaps it is enough that out of nine
thousand pages they explored, they chose this one to grace the back cover.